I know, I know! I haven’t written in a long time.
Sometimes “our crazy lives” are more crazy than not. Since I have last written, I have repaired a house damaged by a broken “butt” sprayer, replaced a septic tank at our house (yes, that was a ______ job, rhymes with kitty, use construction language), started indoor winter baseball with the twins, chased a yak for two hours (I haven’t done that in a while! Chasing a yak is like riding a bike, once you have mastered it, you never forget how), and moved the store to a new location!
Having said that, I know what my job is. It is 5:00 Saturday morning, the dogs and I are up writing crap for you to read. Ah heck, I wasn’t sleeping anyway, I might as well write a story. I’m not sure which one to write.
Before I get started, I feel the need to mention I clicked one off the bucket list this morning. I am a creature of habit. I like things left where I leave them, even though others may not think the item is put away. I couldn’t find the computer this morning. I knew where I left it, but somehow this morning it was gone. I looked in all the obvious places, it was nowhere to be found. Here comes the bucket list part, at 5:00 this morning I got to wake my lovely wife and ask where she put the computer. Try that one fellas – see where that gets you!
Ok, I flipped a coin, I’m telling the yak story. I know, you want to hear the moving the store story. It does have everything that makes a great story. The Quarterback, blood, tempers, and senior citizens lifting heavy things. It has everything. I’ll tell it later.
The yak story begins like every great yak story. The story begins with someone saying “Hey, where’s (insert yak’s name here)?” Our yaks like to race my pickup down the driveway when I arrive home from work. They are very aware they will be fed when the pickup stops.
Franks (our 1600 pound BLACK bull yak) was not racing the pickup. He wasn’t in the corral waiting for me (and corn). Oh, oh, where is he?
Reluctantly, I went into the pasture looking for Franks. This wasn’t anything I was looking forward to. It was about a half hour before sundown. I was alone. What’s not to look forward to? I’ve done this before. From the pasture I could see Franks, in the neighbors pasture, walking along the fence between our property and the neighbors.
I saw reason for hope, I would herd Franks along the fence until we (Franks and I) found where he went through the fence to escape. It was great plan. Unfortunately, like all my great plans, it didn’t work.
Oh, we found where he escaped alright. Franks did not break all of the four wires that SHOULD have kept him on our property. He only broke two! Franks informed me, it was painful going through the fence the first time and he was not going back the same way. (Well, maybe it didn’t happen exactly like that.)
“I know, I need to cut the remaining two wires and drive him through the opening in the fence.” (Yes, I talk to myself.) It is getting dark, I need to get this done! Luckily, Elaine and Ivy arrived home. I’m going to have help.
Elaine and I created an opening in the fence. Ivy jumped on an ATV (I was on another ATV) to help me drive Franks through the opening. Although Franks didn’t say anything, he seemed to enjoy watching Elaine and I tear down the rest of the fence. When Elaine and I were busy and not watching, Franks wandered away. The sun has long set, it is dark. It couldn’t have been any darker.
Using the headlights of the ATV’s, Ivy and I began searching the neighbors pasture for Franks. Remember, Franks is black. The sun has long set, it is dark. To find him, Ivy and I would need to shine the headlights on him hoping to illuminate his eyes.
After about a half hour, our search produced results. OK, we had help. I noticed our neighbor’s headlights came on in his yard. With his headlights I could see Franks was in the neighbor’s yard.
Our neighbor drove past Ivy and I on the ATVs and headed for our house. Elaine met him in our driveway where he told Elaine, “Hey, your yak is in my yard!’ I had that figured out already. Obviously, he hasn’t a clue just how aware I can be.
Elaine jumped in the truck with our neighbor and they headed back to his house. Our neighbor is an interesting character. Elaine noticed he brought with him, a gun, a flashlight and a Doberman Pinscher named Lucifer. Elaine was quite taken with the flashlight. So much so, he gave her an identical flashlight the next day. (Not making this up, folks) While that was going on, Ivy and I thought we could use the ATVs to herd Franks home.
I positioned my ATV behind Franks. He didn’t move. I moved closer. He kicked the ATV! Now I’m (construction language, rhymes with kissed). Franks looked really pleased with himself. He is just standing looking at me. The fight is on.
A 1600 pound yak against a 400 pound ATV and a slightly overweight senior citizen. It seemed fair. I’m going to ram the (construction language) yak. Franks is watching me heading in his direction.
There is a steel cage attached to the frame ATV for the purpose of protecting the ATV from things like rocks or trees and help carry things useful for working on the ranch. (Important info for later) I achieved ramming speed. Franks isn’t moving. Irresistible force vs. immovable object. This was going to be great! I thought.
Franks dropped his head. At point of impact, he hooked the steel cage on the ATV with his horns. With a flick of his head, ATV and senior citizen were airborne and changing course. I’m telling you, now that’s a bucket list item. What a ride!
Franks turned around and started walking home. Walter, our dog, got behind Franks and chased him home. If I had known Walter was capable of that, I would not have ”enjoyed” the adventure of that night. Oh well, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you smarter. The neighbor and Elaine followed behind Walter in the pickup truck to help with…….., well, I don’t know what they were trying to help with. They just wanted to be apart of the chaos. I went back to fix the fence.
With Franks safely at home in the corral, my neighbor thanked Elaine for letting him participate in our adventure. It seems he was tired of watching romantic comedies with his wife, or so he said.
Now you know what I have been doing, do you feel bad about me not writing regularly? I guess I could have taken time to give you guys a couple good recipes.
Our crazy lives!