I used construction language this week. I had to; the twins tried to kill me. Only my zest for life and my desire not to be killed by my second batch of kids allows me to be able to write today.
Oh, it was a really great attempt on the twins part. Their weapon of choice……baseball pants.
The twins decided they would not get dressed in their baseball uniform for one of their games at home. They decided to get dressed in town just before going to the game. I was against this plan from the start. (And, I told them so.) Little did I know, what they were plotting.
Girl Twin went first. She appeared to be getting dressed when she asked me, “Can I get some new baseball pants?”
Me: Your baseball pants aren’t even two weeks old, why would you need new pants?
Girl Twin: They don’t fit!
Me: You tried them on in the store, how could they not fit?
Girl Twin: Beats me! I can’t get them buttoned!
I could see she did not have her pants buttoned.
Me: (Construction language!) how can this happen? Those (construction language) pants were $25. How can this happen?
Girl Twin: I don’t know. I think I might have ate a doughnut.
Me: Oh my God! I can’t take this!
Ivy: Monner, I don’t know what happened but I can’t get her pants buttoned for her, the pants are too small.
I didn’t die so Boy Twin decided to take a crack at killing me.
After I was able to calm down and had accepted the fact Girl Twin was going to get new baseball pants, I noticed Boy twin was not dress for the game. He was wearing his team jersey and socks but no pants.
Me: Why aren’t you dressed? we need to get to the game.
Boy Twin: I don’t have any pants.
Me: What do you mean you don’t have any pants?
Boy Twin: I left my pants at home. My pants are on the couch.
I could feel construction language bubbling up inside of me.
Boy Twin: We are going to have to go buy some new ones.
Me: (The construction language has almost reached my outside voice.) That’s not going to happen! I don’t know what you’re going to do but we aren’t buying new pants.
The construction language is now here. Hey, they are trying to kill me, I need to fight back.
Me: Elaine, can you go over to the (construction language) Red Circle store and pick him up some cheap sweatpants?
Elaine: I’ll be right back.
Elaine brought back a pair of blue (hopefully cheap) sweat pants and handed them to Boy Twin,
Elaine: Boy Twin, you are really lucky. This was the only pair of sweatpants in the store.
Boy Twin: I wanted a gray pair.
As you can see I didn’t die, but I’m sleeping with one eye open.
Our crazy lives!