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Sweaty Sweaters

We will talk about the store in a few minutes. We have some Christmas stuff going on, none of which I'm a part of, so I'm going to talk about me. As you can see, Ivy and Elaine (especially Ivy) deliberately leave me out of everything that goes on in the store. I have no choice but to slant these stories to about me.

The story begins at the Turkey Trot 5K. As you remember, opposite to our recently decided family tradition, our family did not trot on Thanksgiving. Some of us had/have deep regret for having not trotted. Once again, Ivy took that regret to an extreme.

Ivy: Hey, Guys, would you like to run another race?

Girl Twin: No thanks, I get enough running in track practice at school.

Boy Twin: I'm good. (Which somehow means, don't even ask me.)

Elaine: No thanks. (Which some means don’t even ask me.)

Me: When is it? (I’m at least nice enough to pretend that I might want to go.)

Ivy: It’s December 8th. It’s called the “Sweaty Sweater 4 Mile”, you wear an ugly Christmas sweater and win prizes.

Me: Do we get a T-shirt? Ivy: Yes, and a cup of free coffee.

Me: Where is the coffee from? (I don’t frequent Green Clad coffee stores, I need to remind myself of that,) Did you say 4 Mile?

My mind was racing. Did I want to run four miles for a T-shirt and a cup of coffee? I haven’t run a race since the episode with my foot. Heck, I haven’t even run from the house to my truck because it was cold.

Ivy told me the race starts at the big brewery east of town. The race would end where it starts. That brewery has been out there for decades and I have never stepped foot on their property. Elaine, worked out there as a contract drafter, but I have never been there. I thought, maybe I should go.

I had other questions. If you were going to have a race called the “Sweaty Sweater”, wouldn’t you have it in a month you actually sweat? Like July! I don’t own an ugly sweater. Can you run without one? Everything aside, I decided to run.

The “Sweaty Sweater 4 Mile” was nothing like the “Turkey Trot 5K”. The “Sweaty Sweater” didn’t have near the amount of runners. The “Sweaty Sweater” didn’t have near the amount of dogs and strollers. The “Turkey Trot” didn’t have an icy road.

The race started, There was no pushing, which turned out to be a good thing because we were running on ice. I became aware of my body. Right knee, good! Left knee, good! Right hip, good! Left hip, Oh (construction language)! I couldn’t quit here, not on the ice. If I quit here, I’m going to cause a twenty runner wreck. In a few seconds, the racecourse became sunny and the ice disappeared.

My hip didn’t get any better or get any worse. I was trying to determine what to do. Up ahead I observed a dog assuming the position. I remembered Girl Twin in the “Turkey Trot”. I decided my shoe could take one for the team. I ran towards the dog. Sadly, the dog’s owner was putting on a glove and pulling a plastic bag out of his pocket. This guy picked up my chance to quit.

By the time, I found another dog to “help” me, I was two and a half miles into the race. Strangely, my hip didn’t hurt. I had noticed I seemed to be running with a group of the same runners; a fiftyish woman, a preteen boy, a guy with a couple of greyhounds (Which didn’t help a bit.), and a very fit woman who seemed to be coaching a group of kid runners.

This very fit woman would tell the kids, things like “Breathe through your nose.” I was thinking, ‘Hey, shut up. I’m trying to beat these little (construction language.)”

The fiftyish woman was interesting. I noticed when I passed her she would immediately pass me. I had found my competition. It was time to strategize; I stayed right behind her until one hundred yards before the finish line. She would look back to see where I was. At one hundred yards she picked up the pace. I thought “Hip, don’t fail me now.” Ten yards from the finish line, someone yelled “Go, Santa, go!” I beat the woman by twenty yards.

The free coffee was from a local vendor. It was weak, but local. The T-shirt was a nice one. The next race, called the “Polar Plunge” is in January.

At the store, Christmas is in full swing. Elaine and Ivy have once again designed some cool Christmas ideas and ornaments. Don’t’ be embarrassed to tell your Santa to stop by and grab some things. Elaine is planning to wrap packages for buyers December 22nd and December 24th.

My legs hurt like (construction language) today!

Our crazy lives!


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