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The Big Blizzard

December 2, 2019

I’m knocking on wood, but the blizzard might be over. For those of us that are concerned that the earth is warming by .000000006 degrees Celsius yearly, last week’s weather might have put our minds at ease.I’m guessing last week’s storm lowered the average temperatures in Wyoming and Northern Colorado for the next sixty years.

 

We don’t own cattle, just llamas and one yak, therefore, I don’t know if they could have helped. I was forced to depend on the neighbor’s cattle, praying that the cows would pass gas and possibly warm my part of the earth.

 

Hey, don’t laugh, it was bad here. Thirty inches of snow, Monday and Tuesday followed by periodic snow Wednesday and Thursday. Friday night brought on the winds. Saturday morning, looking out of the window, I noticed the wind had blown most of the snow away, or so I thought.

 

The wind had simply moved the snow from Point A to Point B. Luckily, Point A was the area that surrounded our house. Sadly, Point B was our driveway. Point B was now covered with snow four feet deep (and a couple areas that were completely clear).

 

I own a truck the kids have named The Beast. I have driven that truck through some significant snow drifts and have never got the truck stuck. (Ok, it was stuck one time in a drift on a county road. But I was showing off to the kids and drove thru a drift that I never should have tried. Turns out to be a good thing. I was able to teach the kids how to dig a vehicle out of a snowdrift.) Sorry, I drifted a little there. Hey, I just got that!

 

I’m pretty sure I could have drove the Beast around some drifts and through some drifts down the driveway to the road during this storm. (Actually, up the driveway.) Well, here is where the story gets sad. We will never know if the Beast would have made the trek up the driveway. Girl Twin had the Beast at another (construction language) sleepover in town. Another sleepover with the same girls that had a sleepover at our house earlier in the (construction language) climate-changing week.My Beast was forty miles away and I’m am stuck with a wimpy half ton truck, some POS Honda and an even bigger POS Kia, to get to the store for the biggest sale day of the year. (Black Friday is OK, but the next day is better.) ‘Ol Wimpy made it about fifty feet. I asked Elaine to phone Girl Twin tell her to bring the Beast home. I asked Elaine to use an angry voice, but Elaine never listens to me. It wasn’t long before Elaine informed me she received a text telling her that the roads were closed and the county had stopped plowing. Plowing actually made no sense, the wind was blowing so hard it filled the road directly behind the plow. Elaine told me, “Girl Twin called. She is crying. She is afraid to drive. I told her to go back to the sleepover.” I might have thought, “There is no honor in that.” OK, I didn’t think that, sometimes I just wish I would have thought things like that.

 

With ‘Ol Wimpy stuck in the driveway bugging me, (plus, I don’t like being snowbound in the house) I decided to unstick (Is that a word?) ‘Ol Wimpy from the driveway. That might not have been such a good idea. I should have just accepted being snowbound. I just get nervous.

 

Oh, I have my reasons. About ten years ago, Elaine and I were home alone in a bad snowstorm. No one could get to our house and I did not yet own the Beast. Elaine was getting a little fidgety. I locked her in the bathroom. She was really fidgety. Elaine broke a hole in the bathroom door and screamed, “Here’s Elaine”. She had a huge knife. (She usually has a hatchet.) I didn’t realize she had a knife with her when I locked her in the bathroom. I bought the Beast after that storm. Don’t bring this up with Elaine, she’s embarrassed that she didn’t have a hatchet.

 

Ivy and I spent about two hours unsticking (Is that a word?) ‘Ol Wimpy from the driveway. We got it out of the driveway only to get in stuck in the pasture next to the driveway. We gave up, unsticking the truck was futile.

 

Walking back to the house, I slipped, tripped or fell on the ice. I landed on Ivy. Judging from what she yelled, well, I’m might need to start a diet. My right knee is twice the size of my left knee. I’m hoping I can start my diet when the swelling goes down.

 

One of my neighbors was watching Ivy and I. I don’t think he saw me fall or heard Ivy yell. He telephoned and offered to pull ‘Ol Wimpy out of the pasture. He got almost to the start of my driveway and turned around.  he decided not to try to get his truck back up his driveway. I felt bad about him walking back home in the snow and blowing 53 knots/per/hour.

 

Anyone know what a knot is? I know 53 of them is about 60 miles per/hour.

 

Sadly, due to the weather we didn’t get to celebrate Black Friday and Small Business Saturday with any of you. Ivy told me she would extend the sale through next weekend. She’s like that.

 

Writing this story reminds me of my Dad. He liked to tell the story of the Great Blizzard of ’49. It would nice to swap blizzard stories. I don't think his blizzard was as bad as mine.  They had more cows in '49 keeping the area warm.  I wonder if he worried about my Mom’s hatchet.

 

Our crazy lives!

 

Monner

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