Christmas 2019 is over. It’s time to get back to normal life. Because I changed jobs in August, I didn’t have any vacation time accrued to spend time with the family. It was back to work for me on the 26th. We can talk about that in a minute.
I hope you guys spent some time with loved ones. Maybe you were lucky enough to get that one special gift.
Oh wait, I need to tell you a story! A couple weeks before Christmas, I noticed a wooden handle sticking out of our trash receptacle. Upon further investigation, I discovered it was a plumber’s helper. (Toilet plunger.) The same toilet plunger that was left behind by the previous owners of our house.
Living in the country, far from town, there are two essentials every house needs; A fire extinguisher and a toilet plunger. You hope you never need them, but you cannot take a chance and not have them. I made a mental note to pick up a toilet plunger the next time I was at a store. One day passed to two, two passed to three, soon a week had passed.
Finally, I remembered (plus I happened to be in a store) to buy a toilet plunger. I bought a very nice toilet plunger. Plastic handle and only six bucks. It will last for years. I brought it home and showed my new plunger to Elaine. Elaine glanced at the plunger and gave me sort of an odd look. She told me it was nice and simply turned around. I didn’t expect Elaine to be thrilled with the new plunger, but I did think she would be happy that I remembered to buy one.
The next day Ivy and I were chatting in the store.
Ivy: Monner, you need to stop buying stuff.
Me: What are you talking about?
Ivy: It is too close to Christmas for you to be buying yourself stuff.
Me: What are you talking about?
Ivy: (laughing) The plunger, Mom wanted to buy the plunger for you!
Me: For Christmas?
Ivy: (laughing uncontrollably) Yes! She said she didn’t have any good ideas for you this year.
It was time to confront Elaine.
Me: You were buying me a plunger for Christmas?
Elaine: You are really hard to buy for this year.
Me: You were going to buy me a plunger for Christmas?
Elaine: I said, you are hard to buy for. Then you go out and buy stuff for yourself.
Me: A plunger? You were going to buy me a plunger?
Elaine: Well, I was going to buy a nicer one than you bought.
I’m glad that I took that idea away from Elaine. It’s not that I wouldn’t be appreciative of a Christmas plunger, however, it would be a gift I hope I would never need. Elaine put on her thinking cap and came up with some pretty good ideas. It was a great Christmas.
Oh yeah, the plunger idea gave me another gift idea that I could give Elaine. Elaine has a new toilet brush. A nice one. Nothing is too good for my wife. I’m loving like that.
As I mentioned, I had to be back at work the 26th. Everyone that had vacation time took time off after Christmas. When I arrived at work, I was greeted by the two men that didn’t have vacation time, like me.
I exchanged small talk with the two men, one plumber and one electrician. A couple things became glaringly obvious. The plumber reeked of weed. I don’t like the smell of weed. They don’t call it skunkweed for nothing. You know it is legal in this state. I didn’t see him use it. There was nothing I could do except ask him if he is OK. Of course, he was. Don’t forget, skunkweed is the safer alternative, especially for plumbers.
The electrician did not smell like skunkweed. I didn’t say he didn’t have a smell. During our exchange of small talk, I noticed he was looking at me with half-opened eyes. He was telling me he has no family in the area so he was alone on Christmas. He chose day old scotch as his odor du jour.
An hour into the work day, I noticed the electrician walking up to me hold a substantial amount of toilet paper on his forehead. (Hey, today’s story seems to have a toilet theme! Sorry.) Bloody toilet paper.ay afte
Electrician: Do you think I need stitches?
Me: Let me look at it. What happened?
Electrician: The drill bit got stuck and my drill spun around and hit me in the forehead.
Me: I can take you to urgent care, but I don’t think it is bad. I’m not getting queasy, so it can’t be bad.
Electrician: Do you have a band-aid?
Me: Yes, and then maybe you should go home.
This incident proves without a shadow of a doubt skunkweed is the safer alternative to scotch on construction sites the day after Christmas.
Our crazy lives!