I’ve been excited to tell this week’s story. This story could easily fall into the category of a chapter of a great novel, but it is just part of the fact-filled story that is my/our life/lives.
Living in the mountains of Northern Colorado can be tough on a high school kid. You are at least 40 miles from school, school activities, high-school jobs, Taco Ding-dong and hanging out.
Elaine and I knew when we moved here, trips to Taco Ding-dong would be few and far between. Health benefits aside, we didn't think lack of fast food would be a problem. Of course, we had no idea we were going to have high-schoolers again. I’ve learned that some people adapt to the long distance better than others. Elaine can stay at home for days, months and maybe years. Me? I start to get twitchy. That little girl’s spicy chicken sandwich is irresistible.
What a week! No, I mean it this time. In the category of it could only happen to me, I will tell you a story.
A couple months ago, Girl Twin came to Elaine and I, with a proposal. Girl Twin ask if her friend, P$^&#r could stay with us for a while. There is something about high school that I don’t understand. The many of the projects the kids work on in school are group projects. If they need to do homework, they gather at someone’s house and stay for days. If you live forty miles from your classmates it can be a problem. Oh, I didn’t believe what I’m telling you either, but Elaine fell for it. In order to keep peace in the house, I go along with what I’m told.
Anyway, P$^&#r has been sharing homework assignments with Girl Twin at our house for about a month now. Oh, there’s more to the story than I’ve shared, but P$^&#r has made herself at home with Girl Twin.
The girls are two peas in a pod. They have the same sassy personalities. Their boyfriends are friends. The boyfriends look alike (except one is blond, the other has dark hair). I have named them Salt and Pepper (not just for this story, I call them Salt and Pepper. Now their friends call them Salt and Pepper.)
Salt a,nd Pepper are a couple of kids with "cowboy/farm kid" work ethics. The first time I met them they helped me carry and assemble a couch, WITHOUT asking. These boys have Girl Twin and P$^&#r liking and thinking all things “country”.
Let’s get to the story.
Monday morning I telephoned Elaine, as I normally do. Not just on Monday, every day, several times a day. Elaine told me the girls were late for school. They had missed an all-day field trip to the state capital and asked to go to a cattle auction, instead. The girls said another field trip was planned for Wednesday and they could go on that trip. Elaine gave permission to attend the cattle auction.
Monday afternoon I received a call on my not so smart phone.
P$^&#r: It’s me, P$^&#r.
Me: Oh, that’s why it sounds like you
P$^&#r: We bought a cow.
Me: I’m sure you did.
P$^&#r: We did, we bought a cow.
Me: Yeah, I know you did, I bought one, too.
P$^&$r: Monner, we bought a cow.
Me: OK, you bought a cow. How much did you pay for this cow?
Me: OK, you bought a cow for $176.11. What cow did you get for $176.11? Where’s Girl Twin?
P$^&#r: A young cow. She’s paying for the cow.
Me: AH HA. Now I know you’re lying. Girl Twin doesn’t have $176.11
P$^&#r: She has Grandma’s credit card.
Me: That credit card Is FOR THINGS YOU GUYS NEED; LIKE GAS AND FOOD, MAYBE CLOTHES. WE DON’T BUY COWS WITH GRANDMA’S CREDIT CARD. You had better be teasing me. I need to go.
Two hours later, Elaine calls.
Elaine: DID YOU TELL THEM THEY COULD BUY A COW?
Me: What are you talking about?
Elaine: A COW! DID YOU TELL THEM THEY COULD BUY A COW?
Me: No, they told me they bought a cow. I knew they were trying to tease me.
Elaine: THEY’RE HERE!.....SALT…..HE HAS A TRAILER……A FORTY THOUSAND DOLLAR TRAILER…..THEY ARE PULLING IT WITH YOUR PICKUP……..THREE BOYS…..THREE GIRLS……..THEY HAVE A COW!....... A COW, THEY HAVE A COW!
Me: WHAT KIND OF COW? I THOUGHT THEY WERE LYING! PUT GIRL TWIN ON THE PHONE!
Elaine: I CAN’T, SHE IS UNLOADING A COW! THEY HAVE A HALTER…..IT’S FOLLOWING THEM!.......THE COW IS FOLLOWING THEM!
Me: GET HER TO A PHONE!
Girl Twin: Hello
Me: ARE YOU CRAZY! WHAT ARE GOING TO DO WITH A COW?
Girl Twin: It’s young, we are going to let it get it bigger and then sell it. We will pay Grandma back. Let’s talk when you get home.
Me: I’M TALKING NOW. WHAT KIND OF COW IS IT?
Girl Twin: I think they said it was a Holstein.
Me: THAT’S A (CONSTRUCTION LANGUAGE) MILK COW. WHAT THE (CONSTRUCTION LANGUAGE) ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH A MILK COW! WHO IS GOING TO MILK A (CONSTRUCTION LANGUAGE) COW?
Girl Twin: We need to take the trailer back. Can we talk tonight?
Me: WHO IS DRIVING? YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO PULL A TRAILER. I DON’T WANT YOU PULLING A TRAILER. WHO IS PULLING THAT TRAILER? WHAT ARE WE DOING WITH A COW?
A drive home from the restaurants usually mellows me out. I was pretty fired up thinking about a milk cow at our house. Suddenly things changed, it became almost funny. (Not to Elaine, but of course she has the cow.)
P$^&#r and Girl Twin were still excited when they got home from taking the trailer back. I couldn't decide if I thought this was funny or if I was mad. Elaine couldn't see anything funny, forcing me to lean towards the mad side of things.
Me: How did this happen? Does Boy Twin know about this?
Girl Twin: He said “Cool!”
Me: How did this happen?
Girl Twin: Grandma said we could go to the auction. At the auction P$^&#r handed me the paddle with the number on it, the auctioneer saw her hand it to me and said, “I have you sweetie, sold!” And, then he pointed at me.
Girl Twin: We named it Otis
Me: It’s a male?! WE OWN A (CONSTRUCTION LANGUAGE) MALE MILK COW!
Girl Twin: No, it’s a girl. Salt says we can let it grow and sell it for more money.
Me: Are you sure it’s a girl? Otis is a male name. WHO IS TAKING CARE OF THIS COW?
Girl Twin: P$^&#r and I are going to take care of it.
P$^&#r: Do you want to see it?
Me: I’m not taking care of this cow. Let’s go look at it. When you sell it, Grandma gets $176.11. If you sell it for more than that you get half of the money and Grandma and I get the rest.
Girl Twin: OK
P$^&#r: Can we show you it?
Me: Let’s go look. Are you sure, it’s female?
Tucked away in the barn with a water bucket and a feed bucket was a young Holstein heifer. Sadly, the (construction language) thing is cute. I reminded the girls, “I’m not taken care of this cow.”
Tuesday night the girls called from town. They needed to work on a homework project at M%$ie’s house. Wanna guess who fed Otis?
Our crazy lives,