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Advice and Inspiration

I know I'm supposed to get up every Sunday morning and tell a story to provide advice and inspiration to all that read this crap. I can't do it today. I'm too cold.

Is this winter ever going to be over? Or could I at least be in charge of the thermostat? Our house up here on the hill has no natural gas or propane. We heat our house by burning wood and using electricity, good ol' electricity. The same electricity some flatlanders want to be reserved for their cars. What's with these people, they already have paved roads, police, fire protection, and close proximity to grocery stores and malls. Now they want electricity for their cars.

I really don't mind, how much electricity flatlanders use for their cars as long as I get mine, first. If I was being truthful right now, I would admit that this might not be a flatlander-caused problem. It might be an Elaine-caused problem. I don't like blaming problems on the love of my life, but if the shoe fits (the sweater in this case) wear it.

If I think back, this started in November. Elaine began telling me our electric bill was getting higher. In December higher. January, same.

Elaine: Our electric bill is three times what it was in the summer. We need to find a way to cut back.

Me: Good idea, I'll turn off every light in the living room.

Elaine: I need the light to weave.

Me: I like to be warm.

Elaine: You can put on more clothes, I've knitted you a sweater.

Me: Let me tell you a story.

Elaine: Oh boy, here it comes.

"My family was poor when I was young. We didn't have a lot of nice things. Clothes were passed down from the oldest child to the youngest. BTW: I am the middle son of a middle son if someone wants to write a song about me. You could call it, Monner's Wool Suit. (Oh wait, I'm not to that part of the story yet.)

Every Sunday, when I was a kid, dad loaded the car with me and my brothers and took us to Sunday school at the Russian-German church in town. We would deliver our Sunday morning paper routes, eat breakfast, and get ready for Sunday school. Here's where the story starts.

Every Sunday my oldest brother would start to cry when we were told to get ready for Sunday School. Somehow, somewhere my parents picked up a wool suit that fit my oldest brother. I can't say where they got it, probably it was passed down from a cousin or someone. The suit wasn't attractive, just a light tan in color. The wool was stiff, and evidently, it itched. We didn't hang the suit in the closet, we just stood the suit in the corner of our bedroom. (Three kids, one room) This suit was so horrible it started chasing my oldest brother around on Saturday nights. My brother hated Sunday School.

My oldest brother outgrew the suit. It was passed to brother number two. It was his turn to hate the suit. There is a four-year age difference between number two and me. He wore that suit for a while, and hated going to Sunday School, but outgrew the suit.

With the age difference, I was not ready to wear the suit. Do you think our parents would throw the suit away? No, they stood it in the corner where I would look at it every Sunday morning. Just waiting and staring back at me.

Well, needless to say, it became my time for the suit. Walking from the car to the church looking like the Tin Man so the suit wouldn't touch my legs. Hating!

Do you want to know the worst part? The next two brothers didn't get to wear the suit. I don't know if I wore the (construction language) thing out, or what, but those two (construction language) didn't wear the suit. I'm still angry about that.

So you see, Elaine, I don't know who or what is responsible, but I don't wear wool. God invented the thermostat so I don't need to wear wool."

To be fair, the wool Elaine uses (and we sell) does not chase small children or itch. I have been scarred by life in so many ways, this is just an example.

Back to the story. The wind was really blowing last night . Unbeknownst to me, Elaine turned off the thermostat and snuck off to bed. Lizzie wanted outside twice. Opening the front door I noticed how cold the wind was. The house was cool.

By morning the house was cold. I noticed Elaine was covered head to toe with her blankets and part of mine. I had left a box of raspberries stuffed cookies on the kitchen cabinet. By morning they were frozen solid. (My story, I'm sticking to it)

I got up to start a fire in the wood stove. I came dangerously close to finding a sweater. Thank God I found a windbreaker.

So, I apologize, I said I wasn't going to offer advice today, but I get up on Sunday morning, look at the computer and I never know where I'm going. Here is the advice I wasn't going to give. If you're cold today, you could put on a hand-knit wool sweater or just raise the thermostat.

God Bless. Buy yarn, or eggs. I forgot to mention our hens and ducks are laying. I need to get rid of some eggs.

Our crazy lives!


PS Elaiine would like you to know, my sweater is homegrown, handspun, handknit, 100% llama fiber. No wool! I would like you to know it's tan.


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