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Surgery and Cleats

I have two stories to write this week. One I want to write, one I need to write.

I guess I will start with the one I need to write. If you have been in the store lately, you probably know that Elaine broke her arm last January and it has been causing her some problems. If you haven’t been in the store recently, you have missed out on this knowledge and also seeing all the wonderful yarns I have dyed. (Me dyeing yarns has absolutely nothing to do with this story, but I am the writer of these stories and I don’t like it when I’m not the star.)

Elaine has had some discomfort (and some clicking noise) in her elbow since the break had “healed”. If this had been in the Kit Carson, Daniel Boone days Elaine would have had to live the rest of her days with the noise and pain in her elbow. I bring this up because we live in the mountains and, oh, I don’t know why I brought it up.

Well, this is 2015, and doctors can fix noisy elbows. Especially young doctors.

Its time to get to the story: SURGERY DAY.

Elaine’s recent MRI detected some ligament damage in the area of her broken elbow. Elaine’s doctor (very young doctor) decided he would “scope” Elaine’s elbow and repair the damage. Surgery was set for last Wednesday.

I like Elaine’s doctor. He reminded me of myself. No, I can not repair elbows and I am not a doctor. He was young and I used to be young also. I think that’s what we have in common.

The doctor introduced himself as Ryan, not Dr.Ryan H@#$%*n, just Ryan, I liked that about him. He had a great look of confidence on his face.

Ryan’s staff instructed Elaine to be at the hospital for pre-op stuff at 1:00 PM. We arrived on time. Elaine was asked a couple times what she ate or drank in the last 24 hours, if she was allergic to anything other than her husband, (obviously the nurse had a sense of humor), Surgery was scheduled for 2:00 PM.

Elaine fibbed and told them she had a cup tea, She actually had coffee with CREAM but that’s a secret that no one can know.

I was about 2:30 when Ryan came into the pre-op room to chat with Elaine and I. He told us what to expect with the surgery. Ryan explained to us, if he is able to repair the damaged ligament with the “scope” surgery would take about an hour. There was a chance he would need to operate on the elbow and that would take longer. Oh yeah, and he had one small snag to the day. Ryan had another surgery to do before he could do Elaine’s. It was going to be a longer day than we thought.

Elaine was happy. She had her tablet, and she would spend the time reading. There was a television in the room but Elaine wouldn’t let me turn it on. I took a nap. I guess I was happy also.

Sometime around 5:45 PM Elaine was taken to surgery. Time passed, 6:30, no word. 7:00, 7:15, 7:30, it was obviously Ryan was not using the scope.

Ryan finished with Elaine shortly after 7:30. He came into the waiting room, to explain how things went to me. Ryan explained he wasn’t getting the results he wanted by using the scope. He told me Elaine had damage that was quite rare. He spoke in medical terms about how he needed to “shave” away tissue in the damaged area.

Unbeknownst to Ryan, I am getting sick, My ears started ringing, (OK, sometimes I can be kind of wimpy.) I was thinking, “Quick Ryan, Hurry and finish. I’m going to pass out. Monner, Monner, think about the mall.” I heard Ryan say, “she will be out of recovery in about a half hour.” I made it! I knew he was done.

Two hours later, Elaine was still in recovery. I remembered Ryan said she would be in there about a half hour. If you are keeping track of time it is about 9:30 PM. The volunteers staffing the waiting room have gone home. I was starting to panic not knowing what was taking so long. Finally, I am invited back to the recovery room where I find Elaine eating saltine crackers and laughing with the nurses. (Have you noticed I can take a story about Elaine’s surgery and make it about me?)

Elaine’s going to be fine. Thanks, Ryan! You’re the best! I will never need to listen to that (construction language) elbow again.

Now for the story I want to tell.

It is Little League baseball season. Both twins are playing again this year. That fact makes this story bittersweet. It is good that both twins want to play baseball again. It is bad that they have grown and last years uniforms are too small, including their cleats (shoes).

I have trouble with kids wearing cleats in Little League. The Quarterback, Garf, and I put on our “PF Flyers” and “Keds” and we were as good as anyone. Cleats don’t make kids better players, they just make them look older. Like putting makeup on preteen girls. It doesn’t make them prettier, it makes them older.

That said, I took the twins to the local sporting goods store to buy them each a pair of cleats. Girl Twin picked out a pair of mostly black, cheaper (for cleats) cleats. She was surprised the clerk asked her if she wanted to try them on.

Girl Twin starts wearing only flip-flops about the 1st of April. She was in flip-flops on our shopping trip. The sad thing about wearing flip-flops is you have the potential to have dirty feet; dirty, black feet.

The poor clerk saw Girl Twin’s feet and suggested she borrow a sock before she tried on the cleats. Secretly, I am cheering because I think embarrassment is a great learning tool. Maybe next time, she will plan her shopping trips with cleaner feet.

It is Boy Twin’s turn. He doesn’t wear flip-flops. A long time ago Boy Twin was riding his bike wearing his “Lightning McQueen” crocs. He ended up in the emergency room thinking his crocs were the problem. I didn’t occur to him trying to jump your bicycle in any shoes might be a problem.

Anyway, Boy Twin removed the shoes that he had been wearing for track to try on his new cleats (blue cleats, more expensive than Girl Twin’s). When he removed his shoes, I began to wonder if the clerk had a piece of Swiss cheese in his pocket. Oh-Oh, the smell was Boy Twin’s feet. Girl Twin yells, “OMG Boy Twin, put your shoes on!” Boy Twin responds with, “I’ve been wearing my shoes without socks, I don’t think they are that bad.” This embarrassment thing is not going to work on him.

It will however work on me, I will never buy shoes with those kids again.

That poor clerk. He gave us 20% off the cleats. I think he wanted us out of the store.

Our crazy lives!


P.S. Should you find typos in these stories, Elaine’s bandaged shoulder is hindering her ability to correct my typos.

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