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Shoes, Shoes and Selfies

I have a couple things to discuss, so let’s get to it.

The twins are both back in school sponsored sports this month. Boy Twin is wrestling and Girl twin is playing basketball. Neither twin has ever participated in either one of those sports.

I played both of those sports and frankly, didn’t enjoy either one. I am trying to be supportive of each twins choice of sports.

Boy Twin will need to experience for himself how much time you get to “enjoy’ having your head stuck in your opponent’s sweaty armpit. You can be the best wrestler in the state and you will still find your head in an opponent’s sweaty armpit. If that doesn’t bother you, you will be a great wrestler.

I think Boy Twin likes wrestling because he “needed” special shoes. Wrestlers wear wrestling shoes that do not tear the school’s’ wrestling mats. Boy Twin tried to convince me the shoes provide incredible traction on the mat so you can use your feet to get your head out of your opponent’s sweaty armpit. (OK, I made that last part up, he didn’t say the part about the armpit.)

Boy Twin and I went to every sporting goods store in town to look for wrestling shoes. (Not kidding.) I guess kids don’t mind having their heads stuck in armpits; every store in town was sold out of wrestling shoes. At least in Boy Twin’s size.

I convinced Boy Twin that we should try the internet to look for wrestling shoes. The internet presented its own set of challenges. Did you know you can spend more than $200 for wrestling shoes? And I’m not talking Hulk Hogan wrestling shoes, I’m talking middle school wrestling shoes. Of course, you can find wrestling shoes for $49 with free shipping. Would you like to guess which ones he picked?

Yep, he wanted the $200 shoes. He wasn’t even impressed by the free shipping on the $49 shoes. Well, I couldn’t pass up the free shipping. Considering, he could actually wrestle in NINE wrestling meets, $200 shoes did not make sense to me.

After one week of practice, Boy Twin has already lost one tooth (a baby molar) and suffered a bloody nose he proudly claims, “it took a long time to stop bleeding!” He tells me he has a good chance to wrestle for the varsity team. I guess we should have spent more for shoes.

Girl Twin “needed” special shoes for basketball. Girl Twin has never expressed an interest in basketball. Her friends were playing and Elaine and I like to keep the twins involved, so playing basketball made sense to Girl Twin. Plus, she gets new shoes!

I don’t remember getting new shoes for every sport when I was a kid. Schools now have gyms with wood floors that are easily damaged if played on without special shoes. Coaches and professional players insist on wood floors because they have stock in shoe companies that sell special shoes to middle school parents. Coaches and professional players make tremendous amounts of money. It is called the basketball shoe/industrial complex. They don’t teach this in school, you need to learn about it by reading things like Monner’s Mumblings and stuff like that. (Oh-oh, Elaine’s gonna be mad, I think I just got political.)

Girl Twin had a budget of $50 for shoes. She easily picked shoes that were within her budget. (We were that store that sells last years models.) (Take that, Michael Professional player!) Girl Twin’s and my problem started with special socks. I’m all for socks and even athletic socks, but my God, $13 dollars for socks that Girl Twin won’t have any idea where the socks are next week.

After one week of basketball practice, Girl Twin has already been suspended from the team. OK, let’s not panic here. 3/4′s of the team was suspended, and only for one day. The girls were taking selfies in the locker room of themselves in their uniforms. (Just another reason for me to hate those phones.) Personally, I would have made the girls run laps around the gym until they remembered they were not to take selfies in the locker room, but I think the coach needed a day off.

Girl Twin told us the other parents weren’t upset and we wouldn’t care either. They were just taking selfies. Elaine and I had to explain to Girl Twin that her parents were old (construction langage) curmudgeons that do care. I guess when kids are told not to take selfies in the locker room, it means don’t take selfies in the locker room.


Ivy is still waiting for word on the design contest in which she placed in the top ten. She checks email every ten minutes and pretends to be looking at a website called Disinterest or something like that. Top Ten! Ivy you are a local treasure!

Our crazy lives!


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