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The Broken Faucet (and nothing about yarn)

I didn’t have the best of weeks. It started when Boy Twin handed me the handle on the kitchen faucet. Thank God he didn’t break the handle or even knew how the handle got broke. I mean what kind of future criminal breaks the kitchen faucet and hands you the handle?

In my seven decades of life I have never broken a faucet handle, much less handed it to my father. Faucets are so seldom broken they come with a lifetime guarantee. (Except for mine, more about that later.)

I know, you are thinking, “Monner, you work in construction, fix the (construction language) faucet.” There are two things I don’t like to do in construction. Both of them are plumbing. OK, there are more thing I don’t like to do in construction. I don’t like drywall, roofing, concrete, electrical and/or construction workers. I just didn’t want you to think I didn’t like my job.

I hope Elaine and Ivy read this and let me comeback into the store.

Back to the story; I could have called a plumber. OK, I did call a plumber, but he was booked up for two weeks. I couldn’t think of a way we could live without a kitchen sink for two weeks. I knew I was going need to replace the faucet myself.

Think about the things you keep under your kitchen sink. Dishwasher detergent, old rags, glass cleaner and if you live int the country; mouse poison. Yep, that’s where I’m going to be working.

I’m not the biggest guy in the world, but I’m not the smallest guy in the world either. When you put drain pipes and a garbage disposal in a cabinet, old stiff non-bending guys have trouble climbing into cabinets and hooking up faucets. Thank God, I didn’t just describe myself.

I went in. Once inside the cabinet, I first started to panic. ”OK, I’m in here, how am I getting out? Breathe, Monner, breathe. Calm down. You are in here, unhook the faucet.” It worked, I unhooked the faucet and got back out of the cabinet. I was on my way to The Orange Depot. $138 dollars later, I was heading home with a faucet. (Don’t tell Elaine, I could have spent more, but I could have spent less also.)

Driving home I wondered if I could just replace the handle. OK, smartphones are handy things to have sometimes. I called a plumbing supply store and they had a replacement handle. Back to town!

At the plumbing supply store the clerk was nice enough to prepare my old hose to receive the new handle. He worked on getting the old parts off for at least fifteen minutes. After he had the old parts off he blew through the hose. It made that noise like nothing is getting through the hose. He blew again. He turned around with his back to me and installed my handle. I thanked him, paid for the handle and left. (Lifetime guarantees do not apply to things Boy Twin has touched.)

At home I convinced myself I could fit in that (construction language) cabinet one more time. I hooked up the new handle. I asked Elaine to turn the water on and I would check for leaks. Gladly, the water was not leaking anywhere. Not even out of the handle where the water comes out. That (construction language) guy working on the hose had left broken pieces of the handle in the hose. The hose was plugged.

Tomorrow I get to get inside the cabinets and disconnect the faucet again. Then I get to take the faucet handle and hose back to the plumbing supply store. Most likely I will use loud construction language. Just how loud will depend on what they say to me.

On a happier note, Elaine fixed the sticky “V’s”.

Our crazy lives!


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