Butter

I like butter. Soft butter, unsalted butter, salted butter, I like butter. I have been known to stick a finger in a tub of soft butter once or twice and lick my fingers. There is no sense in denying that fact because Ivy has caught me doing it. Ivy was so taken back seeing (catching) me do that she has never let me forget it. Sheez, who's finger marks did she think was in the butter tub all these years. Oh, I don't do it every day, but sometimes you open the fridge and its right there tempting me.

If you are wondering why you need to know this, I'll get to it in a minute.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, before Elaine and I had children, Elaine and I held a Halloween costume party at our house. We were young and dumb. Elaine took her costume to heart and dressed herself as a bag of jellybeans. I took the easy way out and put on a dress and a pink wig and took it one step further, I pierced an ear. If I wore my costume today on the street I wouldn't get a second look, Elaine on the other hand could not wear a bag of jellybeans without attracting negative comments on the street. (Keep in mind, that many years ago men needed to make sure they picked the correct ear to pierce so not to attract unwanted suitors. I picked the left ear.)

My intent was to abandon the earring after the party, but as they say (construction language) happens. The following Monday after the party I went to work, and my employer (Lloyd) "suggested" I remove the earring. I responded by telling him, "I'm not ready to do that yet". I probably would have removed it had he not said anything, he was asking for more control than I was willing to give him.

MY mother had a similar reaction as Lloyd, "You wait until your dad sees that!" Again, that was asking for too much control. It wasn't long and my two younger brothers were wearing earrings. My youngest brother (the motorcycle riding gearhead wore a gold hoop. My next youngest brother (the yuppie) wore a diamond stud. (Useless information) I've always wondered if mom ever said anything to them.

I wore an earring for ten years or so. Ironically, I stopped wearing it for a job interview. Over the years, Girl Twin and I have joked and teased about piercings. The only thing that should have a piece of metal connecting their nostrils is a bull, a mean bull.

A few months ago, Elaine was ordering something from the Nile or the Mississippi, or whatever that thing is called. Elaine said, "Look at this, you will think it is funny." I can't say for sure what she was looking for but she found a set of earrings. The earrings were little sticks of butter. Butter! I don't know how deeply my tongued llowas in my cheek, but I told Elaine to order them.

Sitting on my desk, there is a pair of stick of butter earrings, I had every intention of passing on to one of the kids. Well, they don't even like butter. Girl Twin suggested that she should take me to get an ear pierced at a piercing parlor she has frequented. We laugh, but she never did.

Driving down main street last week, I saw a sign that said, "All piercings, $20". It started something in my mind. I told Elaine, "I'm going in there." She didn't stop me. She actually went with me.

What happened next might have been the best half hour I've had in quite a while. The piercer (Is that a word?) was typical, covered in tattoos and piercings. He was forty-nine years old, funny, fascinating, and enjoyed bantering as much as anyone. I filled out the legalese paper he made me read and sign that stated should I become infected and die I cannot sue him. I assured him, if I became infected, I wouldn't be suing him. I am at an age that prison does not scare me. He gladly told me he had not killed anyone, yet.

He marked my ear, handed me a mirror and asked if I liked the location he proposed. And then he said, "I think your old location is still open, let's check." He stuck a probe through an opening in my ear that had been there for at least thirty-five years. We all laughed, and I bought an earring from him anyway. This guy has a side hustle making flavored lip balm. He gave Elaine a Dr. Pepper flavored lip balm; I got maple bacon.

I'm done with piercings, unless of course, Elaine finds a butter nose ring for me.

God Bless, Love ya, no tattoos

Our crazy lives!

Monner