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A Different Birthday Suit and Dancing

This past week was one of those times that made me realize I might be passing from middle age to my golden years. Our second batch of kids (the twins) turned 15 this past week. Our twins attended to their first high school dance last night. Those two events alone will push you towards your “golden” years.

However, I need to discuss one more event that might indicate I am finally “old.” Moreover, I was in control of this event, sort of.

A couple weeks ago, a new store opened in the region in which we live; a sporting goods store. Ivy, Boy Twin and I attended the opening. One week before Boy Twin’s birthday, I thought it might make birthday shopping easier for Elaine and I, if he gave us some ideas.

OK, we are not going to talk about exchanging one finger salutes with a young “lady” in the parking lot. Let’s just say it happened, I’m not sorry, and she needs to slow down. Besides, those interactions do not make me feel old.

Back to the story. This sporting goods store is huge. It actually has an amusement park ride in the center of the store. The ride serves no purpose, unless you like standing in line. Ivy, Boy Twin and I were in the store for two hours and the ride didn’t move. It was the darnedest thing, people stood in line anyway.

Oh yeah, anyway, I got a couple good birthday ideas from Boy Twin and we left the store. That was when that finger waving, parking lot thing happened, but we’re not talking about that today. None of that made me feel old.

It was actually the second trip to the store that made me feel old. Elaine was with me this time.

Elaine and I entered the store and immediately saw the aquarium (I didn’t mention the store has a large aquarium before. It has a large aquarium.) with the amusement park ride behind the aquarium. I asked Elaine if she wanted to ride the ride. Elaine answered, “No!” There was a time we might have ridden that ride. I think we might just be getting old. (BTW, there was still a line of people waiting to ride. I never saw the ride move.)

I told Elaine what Boy Twin wanted for his birthday was on the second floor. We headed for the stairs/escalator. When we arrive at the stairs/escalator the headed up escalator was blocked by caution tape and not running. We could have looked for an elevator (which would have made me officially old, but we decided on the stairs.)

Looking up from the bottom of the stairs, I started singing Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven”. Hey, there was a whole bunch of stairs. Well, we climbed the stairs and truthfully, it wasn’t a big deal. It didn’t make me feel that old.

We picked up the birthday gift and headed back to the first floor. The downward escalator was working and I watched Elaine get on it. I followed her. I watched some “old” guy race past me. He was taking the stairs. That creepy feeling started soaking in.

At the sales counter, the clerk was ringing up the gifts. When she told me the total price of my purchases, I was shocked. I asked her to review the purchases. One gift was twenty dollars more than it was listed upstairs. The clerk called for a price check. It seems I had picked up the wrong gift. What I had picked up was twenty dollars more than the one I had intended to buy. The clerk asked if I wanted to go upstairs and exchange the gift. I replied, “No, I’m not going upstairs for twenty dollars.” My heart stopped. Did I just say that? What’s next, I won’t bend over in the street to pick up change?

This has been a painful story to write and I haven’t gotten to the birthdays and Homecoming dance yet.

A couple years ago, Boy Twin decided he needed a “ghillie” suit. (I was going to be ornery and make you do an internet search for “ghillie” suit, but decided against it.) Boy Twin got his “ghillie” suit for his birthday, and it cost me an extra twenty bucks. Now I want one. Nothing would be a better bonding moment than Boy Twin and I walking in town with our “ghillie” suits. Stay tuned.

Girl Twin received some kind of makeup “box”. I wasn’t involved in that gift. When your second batch of kids start wearing makeup, you are getting old, my friends. Elaine and Ivy took care of this purchase to save me the pain.

The Homecoming dance was last night. I don’t have much knowledge as to what happened. Both twins had sleepovers after the dance. (Not with their dates. That would have aged me dramatically.) I do know Girl Twin got ready for the dance with her friends. They allowed four hours to get all of the girls ready. (Four girls.) It wasn’t enough time.

The girls were late for their pictures taking session at “The Rock Garden”. The late arrival left their parents standing in the cold wind waiting for their “princesses” to arrive. None of the parents seemed to mind, except maybe me. I’m on my second batch; these other parents are such rookies. They don’t even know when to be (construction language).


OK, you guys know the rules. I need to write about the store. I’m going to wait until next week. Elaine says I’m rambling. (Another sign of my advancing age.)

Our crazy lives!


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