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Wear Anything You Want

OK, I will admit it. I’m not your average livestock owning senior citizen. I didn’t realize it at first, but as I look around I don’t see many people just like me.

I don’t dress like I own livestock. I usually don’t wear cowboy boots, like real ranchers. Oh I have ‘em. I just don’t wear ‘em much. Actually, I have many pairs. I have snakeskin, ostrich (my favorite), lizard, and a bunch of (plain) cowhide boots.

The truth is, it is easier to get in (and out of) the cheap plastic shoes with holes drilled in the top. I like the Wally World version of the plastic shoes named after a reptile.

If you have met me, chances are you noticed I seldom wear pants. (Stop thinking like that!) I usually wear short pants. There are people who have known me for years and have never seen me in long pants.

Being a middle aged to senior citizen that occasionally dabbles in the business world, wearing shorts can have its challenges. Like the time my employer telephoned me with a question.

Employer: What are you wearing? Me: Do you ask the female employees that? Employer: Real funny. You know what I mean. We have a meeting with some people from K-___t, I wish you had long pants. Me: I will take care of it.

I went to Wally World and bought a pair of long pants. My employer and I went to the meeting and dazzled the K-__t people. We ended up remodeling a bunch of stores. After the meeting I took the pants back to Wally World. I just didn’t have a use for them. Come on. you would have done the same thing.

One place I wear long pants is to Elaine’s Christmas party, the one for the electrical engineering company. I don’t wear long pants to every one of Elaine’s Christmas parties, just the fancy ones.

Elaine’s Christmas party was last night. I asked Elaine what kind of a place the party would be held in. She said I could wear anything I wanted. (you know where this is going, don’t you?) She showed me what she would be wearing. Not too fancy; it gave me a wide range of options.

I was working in the store, therefore I wore what I wore my store “uniform”. However, I brought some “dressier” clothes with me. Somehow those clothes went home in the car with Ivy and the kids, leaving me with what I had on. Elaine assured me I would be fine, as she reapplied her makeup and put on a Christmas blouse. “Jeff will be in shorts!”

Arriving at the party fifteen minutes late, Elaine and I found the restaurant empty. Absolutely empty. We decide to walk down the street and have a cocktail at another restaurant and check back later. We went back to the party, now more than an hour late. This time the restaurant was packed with Elaine’s fellow employees. Actually, more employees than seats at the tables.

The men were dressed in suits and ties. The women were dressed to the “nines”. Elaine fit right in. Me? Not so much! Wearing shorts, hiking boots and a fleece vest to an event such as this will cause people to stare.

Aw heck, I don’t care. It’s just ol’ Monner!

Our crazy lives!


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