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A Wooden Shoe and Clumper

Of course, we’re all wondering how my foot is doing. Well, it is getting better. I will see the infectious disease doc, Tuesday, with the hope of being taken off IV antibiotics. Wednesday, I have an appointment with the podiatrist, I am hoping to be allowed to wear a shoe on my right foot again.

Oh, I have been allowed to wear a shoe, a very special shoe. It has a solid wooden sole and a couple of Velcro straps. The Idea is to keep my toes from bending. The shoe is thicker than any of my other shoes making me about an inch taller on my right side. Did I mention it clumps? Yep, every step I take with my right foot sounds like a horse on pavement.

Every day, including Saturday and Sunday, I make the 45 mile trek into the hospital for antibiotics at 5:00PM. Elaine and I didn’t plan very well when we decided to move up here. Who knew we would live too far away from a hospital to get a home care nurse to administer IV meds at our home.

Anyway, I have found ways to entertain myself on my daily trip to the hospital. I count the deer along the road. I look at the new houses being built, and I complain about Elaine’s driving.

Elaine has trusted me with most of the driving over the years and this last three weeks have made me know why. Elaine trusts no one while she is driving and hugs the right side of the road so much it is terrifying. I sit on the passenger side of thecar and scream, “Holy (construction language), the tires are about to fall off the cliff! Get over!” Elaine calmly replies, “I like to give oncoming cars plenty of room up here, you never know when they will do something stupid.”

There is no talking to her, I am forced close my eyes, stop counting deer, grip my coffee cup, sit terrified and hope for the best.

Every day, at the hospital is the same. Elaine drops me off at the door and parks the car. I have no idea if she drives on the right side of the parking lot, and frankly, I not looking or asking!

Once inside the hospital I need to check in. There is usually some old guy with TWO of the wooden shoes that arrives with his wife a few minutes before me. One day I said to him, “Hey, you have two wooden shoes!” He looked at me with a serious amount of hate in his eyes and said nothing. After a few uncomfortable seconds his wife said, “Yes, he does.” I mumbled some (construction language) under my breath while I figured out we were not going to be friends.

The receptionist greeted him, “Hello Mr. Jack (construction language) (not his real name) we can attend to you in Room #45 today. He clumped off sounding like TWO horses. It was my turn to be greeted by the nurses, “Here comes Trouble! Go to room #50, while I get your coffee!” Take that Clumper!

Once in room #50 the nurses start asking questions. Every day, the same questions. “Do you know your name? What is your date of birth? Any falls since we last saw you? Any new pain?”

One day I admitted I had new pain. “My hands cramp when I hold my coffee cup! I think it is the way my wife drives.” Elaine told me I was an idiot and the nurse concurred.

My favorite daily question is, “Do you have any diarrhea?” I replied, “Why yes I do, Thanks for asking!” I get called an idiot a lot in room #50.

Ok, you know what I know.

Elaine, Ivy and I have been working hard on November 10th. Save the date. I’ll make salsa for ya’.

Our crazy lives!


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