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Horror Movies and a Blonde

I don’t watch horror movies. The Exorcist; I’ve never seen it. Texas Chainsaw Massacre; nope. (No other state’s chainsaw massacre, either) Chuckie? Is that the doll or the guy in the hockey mask? I’ve never liked teenagers screaming, I’ve had two generations of that in real life, I can’t see myself paying to watch that. Blood and guts; just watch the evening news.

OK, full disclosure. Some people believe “The Shining” is a horror film. I have seen it, but that was because I needed to know what Elaine was capable of when we moved to the mountains. It was like watching a documentary.

I have read horror books. When I was younger, I liked the books written by that creepy guy up in Maine. I quit reading his stories when I realized, this dude was/is crazy. I think he might have been the kid in school that was picked last in dodgeball. After that he started dreaming of ways to kill classmates. Anyways, in books, there is no screaming and no blood.

Having raised two generation of teenagers, I know quite a lot about horror movies. I know horror movies have four teenage stars. Two girls and two boys. One girl is blonde, one is not. One boy is the athlete, one is the nerdy scientist. When something terrible is about to happen the girls scream, the boys scream and everyone turns to run. The blonde falls while running, the athlete lives or dies helping the blonde.

Hey, no one ever said I tend to be politically correct.

The story I’m about to tell is true. The names have been changed, well not Girl Twin’s; her name will remain the same. The story will contain four teenagers, two girls and two boys. One of the girls is blonde, the other girl is not blonde. I have no idea what color her hair is. It changes often. Actually, I have even seen faint lavender stripes in what used to be beautiful, wavy brown hair. Now it is "ironed" straight I can go on. Elaine tells me, “Let it go, your parents didn’t like your hairstyle.” “I apologize, Mom. You were right.”

Holy cow! How do I get distracted like that?

Back to my story. The boys were both “athletic” and wore caps on brown hair.

If you have been reading my stories for the last few months, you know we have a “new” calf at our house. You know the calf has found at least one hole in our fence. You know the calf uses the hole in the fence to escape the pasture.

Me: Girl Twin, you and your friends caused this problem when you bought the calf, get your friends and repair the fence. Girl Twin: That will be fun!

Girl Twin rounded up a group of her friends. They planned to repair the fence. Elaine helped the group assemble the tools, while insisting the kids wear boots in the pasture.

The kids headed off into the pasture looking for holes in the fence. Elaine went back into the house to design powerlines. Me? I was at work on a construction project. I mention what I was doing because I don’t like not being the star of my stories.

The kids were gone for a while when Elaine heard screaming coming from the pasture. It could only mean one thing. A snake, a rattlesnake! Elaine grabbed a gun loaded with "snake shot" and ran into the pasture. For those of you who don't understand "snake shot", let me explain. "Snake shot" is basically a bullet made of tiny plastic balls that spread out when fired out of the gun.

Elaine met the kids in the pasture. The kids were hysterical, full of adrenaline, especially the blonde.

Elaine: Blonde girl, Did you get bit? Elaine: Did anyone get bit? Boy #1: No one got bit!

This is the story as told to me by the kids when I arrived home from my long, hard, highly important day at the construction project. (Admittedly, I have ego problems.)

Girl Twin: Do you know part of the pasture where the pasture is steep and covered with the green shrubs? Me: Yes Girl Twin: We were walking in those shrubs. We saw and heard a rattlesnake, coiled and rattling. Blonde: When everyone turned to run, I slipped and fell. I screamed. (It always happens to the blonde.) Me: Wow Blonde: I slid down the hill and landed with my foot on the snake. That made the snake REALLY mad. The snake wrapped itself around my leg. I kicked and screamed. Hero Boy: She was kicking the snake off her leg, I grabbed her by the shoulders and drug her up the hill. Blonde: The snake left. My foot felt strange. Hero Boy: I made her take her boot off. She didn’t get bit. I think it was just adrenaline. Blonde: We saw a liquid on my boot. Me: (looking at Girl Twin and the other boy) Where were you guys? Girl Twin: I was running home. Other Boy: I don’t do snakes. Me: What happened after that? Girl Twin: We took the gun from Grandma and went back to finish the fence.

I love country kids. Guns are tools. I don't care if you are offended by blonde references.

Once again, the story has nothing to do about yarn, except for when all this was going on, Ivy was at the Your Daily Fiber waiting for you to come in or call. She was doing yarn stuff. Go see her and buy something!

PS In the seventeen years we have lived in the mountains we have had six human/snake encounters. Girl Twin has been involved in five of those encounters. This was the only snake that got away. We've had four llama/snake encounters. The llamas didn't fair to well in those. I wish the llamas would have had "snake shot."

Our crazy lives!


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