One Flew Over

Now that it is over, I am determined to laugh about it. I just suffered through the worst year of my life, I spent the last seven days in the hosiptal.

Last Friday I came home froom running errands in town. Oncce I got in the house I felt dizzy. Elaine noticed. Not sure who suggested it but it was determined I needed to go to the hospital. Previous to this day I had been given permission to “play with my old man meds.” I might have “played” a little hard.

At the hospital it was suggested I spend the night to “make sure, Elaine left me there and went home.

I was reassigned a room and treated to the best hospital food a person could stomach.

Once in the room, someone decided I was a fall risk. I guess because I told them I had been dizzy. My bed was alarmed with a horn/that was set off every time I tried to get out of bed. This meant, if I needed to use the restroom I needed to call a nurse. No big deal, I’m going home the next day. Except I didn’t go home the next day. The hospital wanted to run tests and I needed to stay another day.

Test day evolved into test “days”. But now I have seen several nurse shift changes, each one with their own treatment of the alarmed bed and how I was ALLOWED to use the restroom. I tried to be a good patient, really I did.

On the fourth night of my prison sentence be told, I was a fall risk, it all went bad. I followed exIsting protocol and called the nurses station.

The “new” nurse arrived and started putting a seat belt around my waist. I asked what she was doing.

Me: What are you doing?

Nurse: I’m making sure you don’t fall

Me: I don’t need this

Nurse: We are going to follow the rules (handing me a plastic urinal)

Me: (using construction language while removing the seat belt. GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!)

I took the urinal and threw it across the room. She ran to press a button on the bed. In seconds I was surrounded by eight nurses and orderlies. Loudly and using construction language, I told the crowd surrounding me to call my wife I was going home. Finally one nurse in the crowd announced she would be responsible if I fell.

I don’t believe I will be invited back for testing, as this was not the only stuation between the nurses and me. I realize they were following hospital rules but, stupid is stupid.

I think a movie was made about a similar stay in a hospital. It was a great movie and I feel I had just lived it. Something tells me they won’t want to “test” me in the future.

God Bless, Love ya, try to get along

Our crazy lives!

Monne

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